Pirates - All Time Greatest Porn Movie Now On DVD

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Pirates - All Time Greatest Porn Movie Now On DVD

From the award-winning director Joone comes Pirates, the biggest hardcore movie epic in the history of adult films. Pirates is an electrifying, swashbuckling sex-adventure which takes you on a humorous and mystical journey through haunted seas and deep into the abyss of our most lustful desires…

Pirates features deadly swordplay against skeleton warriors, Jesse Jane in her first girl/girl scene with Janine and Carmen Luvana, dirty pirate whores (Teagan Presley, Devon, Jenaveve Jolie and many more), awe-inspiring Incan magic, grandiose sea battles.

The Pirates DVD has loads of special features and hot extras within a 3 disc, DVD & HDDVD set, and 10 of the most arousing sex scenes in the history of erotic cinema!

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Pirates - All Time Greatest Porn Movie Now On DVD

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Pirates - Classic Porn Movie On DVD

Plot Synopsis Of Pirates: Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner great powers. To remove it from remote Calaveras Island, he needs the Dagger of Ataljuapa as well as the aid of a descendant of the family to whom the Scepter was entrusted. So, he kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela, honeymooning with the lovely Isabella. On Stagnetti's trail are pirate hunters, Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules, his commander. Edward's a bit clueless, but he does rescue Isabella. Once Stagnetti has the Dagger, the stage is set for the clash of good and evil.

“There's exceptional material here: wood, lead, brass, and silicon. I mean, wooden acting, leaden dialog, brazen synthesexual encounters, and siliceous implants for `most all the ladies. The many anachronisms are just goofy, down to the BoDerek braids, lip-glossed troutpout, and "potassium nitrate" for the gunpowder, rather than nitre or saltpeter. But this isn't a historical drama. It's scarcely even a costume drama, when you think about how often the costumes come off. It's goofy, gaudy, and vulgar. If you want softcore comedy so soft that it's flaccid, you came to the right place. Abandon all hope of decency, logic, artistic value, and common sense, ye who enter herein. (But then, they're pretty over-rated, aren't they?)

PS: There's a collection of bloopers among the extras on this disk. It says a lot about how over-the-top bad this movie is, when you can barely tell the difference between the bloopers and the real acting (or so they call it).”

If you're looking to get turned on, go get the original porn version of this film and watch it the way it was meant to be watched. The R-rated version of Pirates may be a little sexy and have lots of T&A, but, in order to keep their R rating, they have to cut out before any of the good stuff happens. That being said, I highly recommend this movie to anyone with a slightly twisted sense of humor. The dialogue in the movie is idiotic...brilliantly idiotic. With lines such as:
"I smell something burning."

"Probably your crotch from all the action you've been getting."

You'll definitely be laughing WITH the writers, not AT them.

And yes, the acting is terrible, but that also adds to the fun of this version. There's a reason they are called Porn stars instead of actors: they can't act. But the hilarious dialogue paired with the monotone or somewhat awkward delivery is priceless. And some of the stars do a really great job of camping it up and making fun of their own bad acting. It makes me think of something a group of drunk friends would act out to entertain a crowd. I was laughing all the way through. I think this one will be great to show at my next party. Good times..”

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